"WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?!? NINJA !!!"
The financially realized dreams of every Cannon film ever released (http://www.cannonfilms.com/films2.html), "Ninja Assassin" is crazy stupid. They don't even have any nunchucks! Part origin story, part CGI Euro-splatterhouse, "Assassin" is all shlock. Props to Dark Castle for betting on the ninja film as their next genre piece. But this lacks the joy of those b-movies. The story is something like this: A disgraced ninja assassin wants revenge on his dojo, works with Interpol, and finds his heart in the process. Dunzo.
Cut to the point: The gimmick shows promise in the first 5 minutes, and almost makes one scared of nimble little dudes in black silk. I said almost.
- There's ... no development.
- Can ninjas be effectively thrilling or frightening anymore, thanks to the internet?
- Ninjas are magical?
- Rain?
- I'm never one for censorship, but cheezit man! The violence in this thing is beyond preposterous. Digital fountains of blood? Heads chopped in half like sticks of butter? Yeesh. At least "Kill Bill" had the sense of irony to be aware of the humor in hardcore violence. This is ten-year-old shit. Hopefully no young boy ever sees this. And I never say that.
On a final note, I went home after this, and watched "The Lake House" on Oxygen with Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. What a nice, pleasant movie. It was good.
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