Capsule: "CopOut"

"The fuck you say 'bout 'Armageddon'?"

So, Warner apparently wanted to make, like, a hip, edgy, self-aware, loving and yet sarcastic take on the buddy cop genre, and they hired the big 'un that's known for waxing philosophical on super hero genitals and and dick jokes at large?

Alright, I'll buy that.

Sounds interesting, ya know? Kevin Smith made some interesting choices, like casting the well-worn shoe of the cop genre that is Bruce Willis, with the freakiest and possibly funniest guy on TV, Tracy Morgan. And Kevin Smith, a knowledgeable pop culturalist, knows how to nod at convention and quirks, like the Harold Faltermeyer ("Beverly Hills Cop") score. But, other than that inside joke ... the movie's a big fuck up. "CopOut" is a near failure, with the sporadically successful jokes — mostly from Morgan.

Lemme put it this: Do you find a man being threatened with a gun shot to the kidneys as something funny? Give me some context to make that work, please. And if you do find that funny? You're 13 and under. Yup.

Story? "CopOut" is just that, as it's standard a buddy cop movie arc — badges taken at beginning, yelling from commisioner, antagonistic partner cops, drug ring, wacky situations, happy wedding ending. Except, it's done in that truly lazy Kevin Smith way, where the stupidest shit from improve and riff sessions — like conversations about holding in your shits — make final cut. Too cheap and dull to work as action, and most certainly too crass and half-assed to be a comedy. I mean, I find the phrase "DP" as funny as the next fella ... when I'm drunk.

Much Needed Arrest:

- I give this a "D," because I equate that to something like a "1 Star" review. I say that, because there is one true star in "CopOut," and that is Tracy Morgan. He's odd, out there and truly gifted at his own brand of vulgarian non-sequitirs. But, "Beverly Hills Cop" this is not. This is one long, endless, pointless joke on "Tango & Cash" and the like. Keep on trucking Tracy. You'll blow up soon enough.

- Bruce Willis has to be a dick in real life?

- I love Kevin Smith, the person and speaker. I don't care much about him as a writer. And I think he sucks as director. He didn't even write this sucker! Isn't that what people love him for!

And now, clips from the far funnier film "Tango & Cash!" Or: A Bonus Round of "You Laugh, You Lose!"