April Showers In My Eyes, Damnit.

It's for April Showers damnit!

I was cutting an onion!

I'm menopausal!

Say what you will. Make up any excuse. It's OK. You're in good company here. The Contemporary loves a good cry. Clears the sinuses. Allows you to let out some dirty emotional laundry, you know? Call this a culmination of circumstances, such seeing "Babe" recently and welling up, to wondering how so many get worked up over "Sophie's Choice." Seriously, fucking "Babe" nails me every damn time. I mean, the farmer's so proud! Gah. *sniff.

So, that's why I've decided to let it all hang out. This is my list of most emotional films that bring the waterworks every damn time. And I'm not that easy. Like for example, my mother cries at Harry Potter previews. I snicker. But fear not. I am human. This list is comprised of films that elevated me to a certain emotional state, where, damnit, I couldn't help but let out a sob. From self-sacrifice to awareness of death (actually, all my picks have those...), this shit breaks you up, you know? And believe me, I know you all have your vices. Don't be afraid to admit to show your emotions Richard! Sissy. In fact, I do hope you share some of your choicest tearjerks in the comments. Gulp. With, key clips! No I have not lost my shit! Now grab some Kleenex.

Let's open the floodgates shall we?

I mean, look at Farmer Hogget's eyes! So simple, sincere and sweet, there's nothing wrong with a happy ending. And here? It transcends cheap melodramatics to become something rapturous and quite beautiful. "That'll do?" BAAWWWW!!!

Ignore the odd edit. "It'll do.": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1mFUn4z60s

I mean, doesn't this embody everything about the male tearjerker? Self-sacrifice and total loss of the closest thing a boy has to a father figure. Ouch. No wonder John Connor is such a sad character. Suck it "Avatar" and fuck it "Titanic." James Cameron proved himself an emotionally intelligent filmmaker long before he had to prove himself. This may make you laugh. I dunno. But unlike "Wall-E," this robot now knows why you cry.

"I cannot self-terminate": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEMICfWLOig

The thing is, at surface level James Bond deserves no sympathy. From anybody. He's a sexual dynamo running around the world, bedding anything that moves on M:I-6's dime. He's an arrogant playboy. But, for a brief, fleeting moment in 1969's "On Her Majesty's Secret Service," Bond let his guard down. With it, you get a little insight into why this man is so ... sad when you think about it. Watch the clip, if you dare. It is the ending. 1. My sis, watched this with me, and was all like 'WAAAAH?' 2. I think this could have been the best Bond film, had Connery been in it.

"All the time in the world": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgndOK2zuY0

Mayhaps it's my borderline fetish with Clint's career in the last year, but, what a sad, sad, thoughtful movie! At face value, this is hokey as hell. Heavy piano keys, gallons of rain and cheezy VO. But, something about this, the way Clint looks so frail and you see the real pain in Meryl's face. "Bridges" just hits harder and heavier than that Lifetime crap. So sad, and delicare in tone. Wow, thank goodness I was alone in the apartment on this one. Bonus! Sacrifice again!

"Doe Eyes": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AaMST_hNUVQ

Director Jonathan Demme has this brilliant stylistic trait, where he has his actors look directly into the camera, as if to ask the audience to look directly into their eyes. Something about those eyes. In "Silence of the Lambs," Hannibal scared the shit outta you with that. In "Philadelphia" you see Denzel go through this heart-breaking change, as he sees Tom Hanks for what he is. It pains me greatly to think that there are people that refuse to accept AIDS or homosexuality as realities.

"Mamma Morta": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3b0p9mTJOJI

I mean, you put a camera in a plane crash, and anyone will get upset. But display a moment of sincerity and clarity as you witness two people connect over a radio, neither able to stop what's about to happen? Like, last summer's "Up," "Matter of Life and Death" hits you in the opening with some heavy stuff. Never has someone aware of their own demise been so articulate and saddening. William Wallace, this is not. This is far better. And that line about "telling her that I love her?" Done first, and best here.

"I'm bailing out.": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSruSe_m8OI

I mean, this goes without saying. Just watch the fucking clip. The speech. I get worked up at the image...

"And he probably wanted to die.": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ftEjH-dit4Y

I know. I know. It's a damn comic movie. But, as my emotional and analytical investment in this film grew, I found myself sadder and sadder because of the ending. I mean, put into context, here's a guy with the weight of the his shoulders. He tried his damndest, to do real good. And in the end, he's left with all the blame for what went wrong in Gotham. But by sacrificing himself, the Bat becomes something greater. Totalfilm called it "symbolic of our times," in that this is a story about a man being used as an icon to simplify all that has gone wrong this last decade. But what makes it sadder, is unlike the paralleled president that notion refers, Batman knows exactly what he's doing.

"Because he can take it.": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psSGVhTd0i8

I've gotten into HUGE debates over the validity of this film with Eric. And there's no denying it's controversial status. But Eric, please, if you watch this, I'll lift my embargo and punish myself with "Passion of the Christ." But yeah, maybe the emotional pull comes because this film dealt with someone so potent and recent, in such a frank manner. But in the end, I think the honorable and admirable dramatic intent outweighs most arguments against "United," and there's no denying that the climax, though well speculated, is brutally affecting. They knew, and we know better. They fought back.

No clips. But the very specific score. Listen to the last two minutes?:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZXjdKKa3jw

Well. Now that I've layed it out, for you play it out:

- Am I nuts?

- Did you feel the same way about these films?

- Got any ideas? Favorite Disney cries? Think my choices are off? Up? Bambi?