Halloweek: It's Halloween.

So have a Happy Halloween.

And as a token of appreciation for the holiday, and its biographical films, here's a little short, called "evil" from Bennett Media.

Halloweek: My friendship with Fred Krueger

Frederick Krueger:

Remembered

"Oh. Blake. You again. You frow up?"

I, like any "chunk" kid at a Catholic school, lamented my inability to be popular or accepted by the cool kids. No, I had to fracture my ankle and get pity popularity. But, that's another story. I'm here to set the record straight about my good friend, the kindly janitor Mr. Krueger. Fred Krueger.

The only janitor that wasn't a catholic, anti-contraception Healy family remainder, Fred was damn good at his job.

He cleaned up messes. Worked odd hours. Took pride in living within the boiler room. He was real nice to kids, lovin' on them and hugging them and such. I remember him licking photos of the students and putting them in his "personal" journal. Oh Fred! You card. Constantly brandishing his hilarious claw hands to the children, while carving new crosses and religious figures with it. Yeah, he was too cool. And he liked me. After he disappeared, he even let me borrow his striped shirt for a few years in high school! Up until I was too fat to wear it again.

"His hair was perfect. Awooo."

Anyways, Freddy one day decided to pull a stage left on me. I remember going home, telling my parents about how nice and emotional Fred was, and how he'd disappeared, and I got yelled at. A lot. My Dad's all like stay away from him! And my Mom's all like "stop looking at your Dad's nudey magazines! And I'm all like what?!

Anyways, Fred disappeared, and I never saw him again. Never said goodbye. Never thanked him for the Christmas shirt. It was sad. He was my only true friend.

"I'm trying to fix this thing!"

But, as a final thought, I have to say this. I'm right to say I never saw him again. That is, in person. But in my dreams. Well, it was actually a bit of a nightmare. It was quite sick actually. Disturbing, ya know. Just depreaved, nasty stuff. And Freddy was there! Weird huh?

In fact, it looked kinda something, like this:

- B.

Halloweek: In Defense of "Halloween III"

Halloween III: Season of the Witch.

by Tommy Lee Wallace.

"Hear evil. See evil. Speak evil. "

What happened this year? Last year, this was oft-regarded as one of the biggest stinkers of the 1980's, if not of all time. A sequel that deviates from the already loved standard of Michael Myers slashers? Well, that's what happened. No, the plot of child genocide makes no sense in the Pagan/Irish kook schemes of a toy company owner. And no, his plan to transport a secret Stonehenge rock makes no sense either. Plus, this makes absolutely no sense:

"WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!"

Come on! How weird was that! It's one of those great make-up effects moments only found in 80's genre films! Like the chest turning into a mouth in "The Thing!" Or those gross face-melts in two out of four Indiana Jones!

Here's the thing: It only took 27 years for this out-of-place oddball horror film to be accept as cult canon. It's bad, by all normal film standards yes. But like anything with time, it has become, dare I say, good.

With chintz 1980's nostalgia, a lack of reason in an otherwise asinine plot, and some lovely vintage horror-movie money shots (just watch the above again), and a causticly catchy ditty (down below), "Season of the Witch" has somehow been recently appraised as valuable.

Why write about it now? Well, I nabbed it in my fever-streak of "Halloween" movies, curious to see what's been slammed for so long. Mind you, all the "Halloween" movies sucked. But this sucked hard. And the euphemisms are on! But seriously, there's something so odd and endearing about this hunk o' junk. 80's horror has some choice attributes, exemplified in this one.

"And ... I'm in your head."

Here's my backup:

Bennet Media: "Ten Somewhat Adequate Sequels Part Five"

Somethingawful.com: "Catching up with Conal Cochran."

The full story? You can read about it on IMDB or something. You wanna watch it? I'll loan it you. Wanna watch it with me? Sure thing. What's your schedule like? Hate kids? You'll love it.

Now if only the movie were actually scary. Meh.

Halloweek: "rage" - Jason's Doin' Work

From Bennett Media.

A little prelude to the happiest of holidays this weekend.

Best use of Fats Domino since "The Blues Brothers."

Though, I've never truly dug Jason. Freddy at least had some charisma and creative bones in him. But then again, Jason was kinda nuckin' futs.